Yesterday, I spent time with a student who was clearly in crisis. She was physically present in the building, but not in a place where she was ready to learn. As I sat with her in the main office, it became evident that she needed additional time and support to settle her thoughts and emotions. She shared that she had already been in conversation with Dean Lifsey, and her words and demeanor made it clear that she was still working through what she was feeling.
This interaction reinforced an essential truth for all of us: our students often need space before they need direction. They need adults who can meet them exactly where they are emotionally, mentally, and spiritually before we attempt to correct behavior or redirect them toward expectations. In these moments, our presence, patience, and ability to remain grounded are often more impactful than any immediate intervention. The student did not need me to provide an answer; she needed time and attention, and care.
De-escalating the Brain, Not the Behavior
When a student is overwhelmed, their brain shifts into survival mode. In this state, reasoning, problem-solving, and compliance are significantly limited. Attempting to correct behavior too quickly can heighten the emotional response rather than calm it. Research on student regulation reminds us of several key practices:
- Emotional intensity must be acknowledged before it can be redirected.
- The adult’s role is to offer calm when the student cannot locate it themselves.
- Strategies such as reducing verbal demands, lowering tone and volume, and offering choices help guide the student back to a regulated state.
- True de-escalation focuses on soothing the brain’s stress response rather than enforcing expectations in the moment.
When we guide students toward self-regulation first, we create the conditions for meaningful reflection and genuine behavioral growth later.
(Adapted from: Perry, B. D., & Winfrey, O. (2021). What Happened to You? Flatiron Books.)
As a Jesuit Catholic community, our mission calls us to accompany young people, especially in times of crisis. Moments like these remind us that accompaniment is not abstract; it is lived through compassion, patience, and presence. Thank you for the ways you continue to embody this mission and for the care you provide to every student who walks through our doors.
Let us stay committed to meeting students where they are, so we may help lead them toward who they are becoming.
With appreciation,
Walter D. Reap, Sr., President
Cristo Rey Jesuit High School – Baltimore
